i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
