I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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