I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
