Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
