I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize