i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
