I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
