we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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