No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
