he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
