Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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