Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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