Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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