I met the friendliest cop last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
