So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
