I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
