Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
