everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
