mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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