well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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