I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
