I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i now understand why vodka
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
