my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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