He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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