the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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