Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
