My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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