Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
