I looked at my own cervix.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
