Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize