That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
