my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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