You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
