Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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