i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
