Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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