the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
