Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm at about main and main street
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
