bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize