So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
