soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
