gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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