My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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