I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
