happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
