There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
