If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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