I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
