Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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