He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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