I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
