so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
