Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize