somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize