There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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