i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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