I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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