Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
