Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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