i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
