Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
