nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
